When our children experience big emotions, many parents feel unsure about how to respond. Dr. Daniel Siegel offers helpful insight into what happens in a child’s brain during these moments and why their reactions can seem so intense. We can think of the brain as having two halves: the right side, which manages emotions, and the left side, which handles logic. Young children have not yet learned how to use both sides together, so it becomes our job to guide them in integrating these parts.
A classic example is when a child accidentally lets go of a balloon. No matter how many times you explain that you can buy another one or that the lost balloon can’t be retrieved, the emotional part of their brain has taken over. They wanted that balloon, and in the moment, logic simply isn’t connecting. When children become upset, the right (emotional) side of the brain fires up while the left (logical) side shuts down. Any logic we try to offer often becomes frustrating for them and may escalate the situation, rather than bring the calm we hope for. Even though we’re trying to help, they cannot process our solutions yet. What they can process is our empathy and connection.
So, what can we do? First, validate your child’s emotions, even if their reaction doesn’t make sense to you. You don’t have to agree that their response is the “right” one, but you can acknowledge their feelings. Statements like, “I can tell you’re feeling sad right now,” or “I’m sorry you’re feeling frustrated,” help the emotional side feel heard. You can also ask how they’re feeling and reflect it back to them, which helps their brain feel safe enough to begin calming down. For example, if they say, “I’m really sad because I wanted to bring that balloon home,” you might respond, “Got it. You really wanted to bring that balloon home, and it flew away. I can see why that feels upsetting.”
Once your child has calmed down, you can bring logic back into the conversation. This is how we help both sides of the brain work together. You might ask, “What do you think we could do to solve this problem?” At this point, they may suggest buying another balloon, and you’ve helped them learn how to use logic in an emotional situation.
This process may seem like it takes longer in the moment, but it ultimately saves time by preventing escalation. More importantly, when we teach children to integrate logic and emotion, we prepare them to handle future challenges in more flexible, effective ways.
If you’d like more support or guidance in navigating your child’s big emotions, InSight Psychology offers evidence based services designed to help parents learn effective strategies for supporting their children during meltdowns. Our team is here to help you build stronger connections and foster emotional resilience in your family.
